I’m a douchebag…maybe

I've always had a tendency for being too nice. The crush messaged me from a Dom's email adress which is interesting considering I prefer being a sub to him. He was super sweet and we were supposed to see each other tonight. It's 10.45 pm and I'm still at home...No, I'm not sitting by the phone waiting for him to call, I've just decided that I wasn't going to care. Man, if only I could manage that. Hopefully we can get in contact tomorrow. I guess he really isn't the guy for me although when we talk, I always end up feeling so good about myself...*sigh* what am I supposed to do here? I guess I'm going to give him one more chance...one more, after that, I'm just giving up. I hope it doesn't get there. Man, I really feel like I'm destined to be alone for the next long while in my life. Is it too much to ask for a little comfort, a little bit of a sense of security, something that can make me think that I'm worth it?

*sigh* I just want to be in that leather straightjacket again...