I'm back...finally...!

Hello, hello, hello, hello!!!!! I'm back! And shit has been happening! Soooo many things! Boring stuff first...I'm super busy with school, it takes up my time and energy and quite honnestly, I hate it. But regardless, when I have a bachellors, I'll be nice and happy.

Ok, the good stuff...the crush...this is an interesting subject...The crush and I are currently kinda sorta seeing each other. He's my Dom...*sigh*...yes, yes i am happy (in case ou were wondering). I'm not officially his yet, but I think that it's something that's in an eventual future. In the past couple of months, we're mainly learning how to deal with each other, he's learning how I react to certain tortures and I'm learning how he reacts to my brattiness (hihi!). So all's well on that front. The No-Love Policy is still in effect, have no worry. Not cause I'm having a little fun that I'm falling madly in love.

Now, speaking of the Dom, I've found myself much more comfortable with my kinky side in the past few months. I'm more comfortable and am now fully able to express what I do and do not want out of a D/s partnership. I've also developped a bit of a penchant for leather. It all started with a flogger...a beautiful, beautiful, heavy, thuddyleather flogger that I got from a vendor at my favorite (and only) local sex positive playspace. Actually, it did start with the crush...it's that damn leather straight-jacket. It's so heavy and it smells so nice...*sigh* Add to that a hot pair of boots (I smell an HNT...) and a hot HOT weekend spent in leather shackles...that's it, I'm now adicted!

Oh...there was also a photoshoot a couple of weeks back. A good friend of mine has recently started a little company selling some sexy hemp rope and for the website (which is still being developped), he needed some bondage shots. The concept was good, 2 girls, a guy and lots of rope. He wanted to showcase different body types (hence me...) and different ethnicities (me again!) in some shots. It was nice and fun, but didn't turn out as fun as expected. There are some nice shots of the other two models, but I just...meh...no. Actually, one or two are interesting, I look foreward to seeing what he does with them...

Anyhow, more later!

One ring to rule them all…

I thought I'd show off a bit more skin this week. I'm not a very conservative person, but it's not easy trying to take all this pics by myself...I know that the crush, in the anticipation of his victory (see previous post for details) is looking forwards to snapping a couple of me in...let's call them "compromising positions". Anyhow...

(Now this pic, I really miss...!)

This weeks HNT showcases 2 really different parts of me. Uno, the ring. The ring was a gift from my grandmother who passed away when I was 11. I met her twice, once when I was 5, when we went to Guinea, and once when I was 7 when she came to Montreal. It was the only time she'd ever been on a plane. She was 92. She and I never understood one another, mainly because we spoke different languages, but we connected. She gave this ring to my mother before she left Montreal (last time I saw her) and told her to give it to me on my 21st birthday. I've only had it for close to 2 years, but this ring means the world to me. Makes me feel...grown up. I just hope that one day - though far away - I'll have a daughter to whom I'll be able to pass it on.

The second part of me is the boob. Yes I know...it's pretty straight forward right? I mean it's a tit! But the breast is so symbolic and beautiful in my opinion. It conforts, feeds and provides tons of pleasure! :-) My breast bare scars (tiny ones) because when I was 19, I had a breast reduction. I'm very happy with my breasts now, granted it's not easy for breast bondage, but Buddha knows, they'still quite plentiful if you ask me! I think that if you ask the men I've been with post-op, they're all quite pleased with my girls! There's only one person out there who tries to makes me feel guilty for making them smaller. He knows who he is...and one day...I'll have him tied up, and he will pay! Muhahahahahahahaha!

Right...well, I thought I'd type up a super naughty HNT...I guess this just ends up being more of an ode to my femininity and you know what? I like that!

On second thought, I hadn't noticed, but you can see a bit of my sternum piercing in this pic...maybe I am showing off my more subtle naughtiness...*grin*

Now go see who else is getting naked by clicking here!

Tied up…

Oh how I wish I were making bondage references...*sigh* but since school has started again, I've been running around like a chicken with no head. It's kind of a pain in the ass since all I want right now is to have some time to get away from real life and spend some time with the crush. Now that I've gotten rid of the Cancer Cock (he was 2 timing me and not telling me...not good when we're supposed to be honest about if we're sleeping with other people). I hate feeling like someone is playing behind my back. I'm a pretty simple lady, I don't mind if we just screw one another in the biblical sense, but I don't want him fucking with my mind, telling me that he's depressive one minute and the next telling me that he's sort of dating some chick and then, having the balls to tell me that even if he had a new girlfriend, that he'd want to still sleep with me. I walked away very satisfied and still possesing all of my dignity after telling him that I'm not his consolation prize.

On the crush front, everything is going well although I'm starting to lower my expectations. I just don't want to get hurt. He and I have made a bet, he thinks that he can kick my ass, and I think he can't. We've wagered 2 TPE (total power exchange) weekends, the winner gets to be Dom. Okay, honnestly, the man is 6'4 and weighs 280 lbs... I know I'm getting my ass kicked...which I don't necessarily mind (tee-hee!). Anyhow, sadly, because of a congress this weekend, this whole ordeal may have to wait another week (yet again). *sob*

So that's all I've got for now, I'll be back soon!

Da Count #1

I got the idea to do this reading blog. I think it's always nice to put things into perspective. I guess that the thing that made me smile this week was an email from the crush. He and I were sending emails back and forth about how much we both wanted him to lick my boots clean and how he probably deserved to have a few parts of his anatomy slapped around...(hehe!) Anyhow, when I signed off, he sent me a little message that just made me smile. It brought me comfort and, being the sweetheart that I am, I decided that I was going to share this message with you all. **Warning** Now for those of you with a quick gag reflex when it comes to all things cute and mushy, I say avert your eyes while there's still time!

"nite sweety, i kiss your booted feet with love and respect!"

So there...Now go see who else has something good to tell you by clicking here!

Busy!

School started again yesterday. Whew! I'm already tired! It was an odd day...Went to school, bought some school stuff...went to the gym and met Cancer Cock (someone once tried to convince me that big cocks give cancer...). Cancer cock and I have been screwing like rabbits for about a year and a half. He's probably the one person that I'm most compatible with sexually...ever. He's not BDSM, but if I had to chose, and if there were emotions involved, I'd be with this guy for the rest of my days. Now, CC, as I like to call him, came up to me at said gym (while I'm sweatty and on the treadmill no less!) to ask me if I wanted to leave with him. I said sure, thinking that it'd end up as a post workout workout. So we left, went back to his place, had a bit of grub and then...he gets all nervous and says he has to talk to me. I didn't know what to think so I kinda just told him to blurt it out. And he did. He's borderline manic depressive and has been on antidepressants since the age of 18.

I don't know what to think of this. I mean...he's my lover, but obviously in the past year and a half, I've grown fond of him and I don't know what to think...I mean, condissering I couldn't have known in any other circumstance, I guess I'm happy to know, but it freaked me out a little. Being manic depressive is a bit of a big deal. I guess I'm mainly scared of what knowing this will bring on. I don't want to pity him. I don't think that I do considering he's says it's under control, but I'm a little irked. What if he loses it with me? It could happen... I don't want to leave whatever he and I are just because of this, I'm not a hypocrite. I don't know... UGH! Let's just say that I'm a little confused right now...I couldn't even bring myself to have sex with him...we cuddled...nothing much else went on. I asked some questions of course, got some straight up answers...but still...I can't shake this confused feeling in the pit of my gut.

I’m a douchebag…maybe

I've always had a tendency for being too nice. The crush messaged me from a Dom's email adress which is interesting considering I prefer being a sub to him. He was super sweet and we were supposed to see each other tonight. It's 10.45 pm and I'm still at home...No, I'm not sitting by the phone waiting for him to call, I've just decided that I wasn't going to care. Man, if only I could manage that. Hopefully we can get in contact tomorrow. I guess he really isn't the guy for me although when we talk, I always end up feeling so good about myself...*sigh* what am I supposed to do here? I guess I'm going to give him one more chance...one more, after that, I'm just giving up. I hope it doesn't get there. Man, I really feel like I'm destined to be alone for the next long while in my life. Is it too much to ask for a little comfort, a little bit of a sense of security, something that can make me think that I'm worth it?

*sigh* I just want to be in that leather straightjacket again...

Insert crazy swearing here…

I'm such a douchebag. That's all I can say, I think. Me=douchebag. I had a really bad day. Ended up flipping out and almost crying (which I hate). I called the crush to wish him a Merry Christmas. I think one of his friends answered and said that he thought I had a wrong number. This came after a series of developments which made me believe that it's a government plot for me to have the shittiest day. So now, there'll probably be no second thing with the crush which means that I go back to wallowing. Man it sucks to be me.

Now I know that the one person who might read this is probably rolling his eyes at my patheticism. To him, I say...Yes I know...how am I supposed to be a credible Domme if I act like a girl right? Well...I am a girl. I have good days and bad days. Around this time of year, with the year I've had, I'm allowed to be a little weak and want to sink down into subness again. I seem to have that need when I'm feeling down, to just sink back into being a sub and being controled and at someone's mercy. I think that's why the crush is a crush, he managed to make me feel small, safe, beatiful and frustrated all at once. It's hard to not want that more than once...It definetly helped that he towered over me and was strong enough to hold me down with one hand. *sigh* I want that again...

Drunk posting

Wow I'm drunk! Went to my best friends place for dessert. Needless to say there was no dessert but a shit load of booze was waiting for me when I got there! Yes...I am posting at 6 am, completely piss drunk...Nice don't you think! Anyhow...this past summer, under Very similar circumstances, I fucked said friends little brother...What do you think happened tonight? Yep...did it again (wow this is what Britney must feel like!). Fucked best friends little brother (he's 20...) and had fun teasing him all night...how mean can one firl be...I'll tell you after I've had a tall glass of liquids (water or juice....no more booze tonight!) and a few hours sleep!

Kissies!

The Christmas Blues

The hardest part about my first Christmas as a single gal is that I miss the Christmas cuddles...I think that if at one given moment I'd take back my ex...now would be it. I feel so alone...I try to feel better seeing my family around me, but mine isn't a family where one feels safe, it actually makes me feel isolated and alone..That's what's nice about having men around though...and that's why I miss my man friends. They always manage to make me feel safe and special even if it's not a "special friendship". Man, I think I have an addiction...men...*sigh* what else is new...

Anyhow, my plan for Christmas is the neverending family brunch, full of hypocrisies and fake laughter followed by movie watching. It kinda sucks when all my friends, who actually are more of my family than the ones I share blood with, are in super Christmassy families...this is kinda the time of year where you need those who are close to your heart, even if it's just to hang around and watch John Hughes movies while eating junk food like pigs. Meh...food for thought I guess...

Happy Christmas

And so we begin

I decided to start this blog because I was having some man-issues that I couldn't talk about elsewhere. You'll know me as Miss, I'm a stressed out girl who's learning how to relax and enjoy life one thing at a time. I was in a long term relationship and have been single for 6 months. During those past months, I've screwed every guy that I could, I like to call it fucking with a vengeance... The only thing is that now, I'm starting to want to expand my horizons a little on the relationship front. Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with me in the sense that I'm not a dog, I'm a relatively pretty woman. Apparently, the cincher when it comes to me, is that I'm intimidating. I think that's all a load of bull crap...but that's MY opinion. Anyhow, men seem to flock away from me so, I've taken to meeting guys online. Yes, I know, it's as pathetic as it sounds... I consider this like an experiment, it's like my dating training wheels. Oh yeah...the only issue though is that I'm a part time S & M-er so that narrows my "manfield" even more. I get a bunch of guys who want me to hurt them in all sorts of ways who want to be around me. I'd totally do it more if I wasn't interested in meeting someone whom I could develop something with.

Now for the story that got me in this blogging predicament...I met this man online. He seemed great for me although a little older. We met up, I was going to top him, ended up being the opposite that happened. It was amazing as I hadn't been dominated in quite a while and whilst I love flogging a man, sometimes it's nice to just go off into sub-land. Anyhow, I had a blast and a half but now I don't know if he wants to see me again. We're still messaging but he seems much less interested...I don't know...He's answering messages and all but I don't know if I should just directly go and ask him if he's still interested considering this isn't a fixed thing just yet...*sigh* what to do? what to do? I thought about not sending him a message until he sends me one but that feels silly...and I hate stressing out over this one guy. I guess it means that I really like him. I don't know what to do...HELP!